I like going on adventures. I keep telling myself that. And yet another year rolls by and my tents remain fairly unused, stoves still have the same gas cartridges as last year, great plans, ideas and routes remain just that. Planned, but not done.
Do I like planning things, but just not doing them? Is it the fear of failure that stops me? Is it the knowledge that doing the thing then means that there is no longer anticipation for it? Perhaps the anticipation is better than actually doing it?
Well, having spent many years planning and not really doing all the stuff that I've set out to do, I wonder if I've come across the reason. (but not the answer).
It seems like yes, I'm quite a home bird, but the reality is that I find it really hard to break the inertia of being at home. Not just for a holiday or a ride, but in some cases just for a run! The bigger the thing, the longer I plan on being out, the harder it is to break the inertia and the feeling that I shouldn't be going.
Right now, I'm waiting to go and do the Knock Ventoux 300 Audax. I have that same feeling of "I shouldn't really go" in me. That feeling of "I'm not really sure. Maybe it would be better to stay at home". Once I'm out there, and cycling away from Glossop, the elastic will snap and the adventure will begin. It will, I'm sure be a fantastic journey- but it will not be without that initial wrench of getting out of the door.
If there is an event that I've entered- like the KV300, or indeed, the TPRno4 this year, then it is a little easier to break the inertia. I've paid, so it makes more sense to go. Equally, if someone else is relying on me- then it becomes easier to go, like in the case of doing a round or a joint expedition.
However, I like the idea of doing long, crazy stuff- and have planned a number of fantastic days and weeks out. Have they ever come to fruition? No. Very very rarely. There is always an excuse to sit down and give into the elastic that pulls me back to home.
I don't know how to break free of it- and certainly don't want to simply "buy" my way out of it by paying for more and more events.
Maybe doing more of them might help- but just going for an evening out bivvying on the hill sometimes seems to be the hardest thing to do, let alone travelling to Inverness to cycle home.
Fear of the unknown? Laziness? Elastic to the house?
Or just inertia?
I don't know if it'll work for you, but for me, I tell myself I''m not necessarily going to *do* the thing, I'm just going to put my gear on *as if* I'm going to do the thing and I can always change my mind and just go for a short walk. And then once I'm out of the door, look, I'm doing the thing. If the size of the thing is the barrier, reduce the apparent size of the thing.
ReplyDeleteI suspect this won't work for400km audaxes, but it might for a night bivvying.
Yikes, you have just encapsulated, beautifully and perfectly, the inside of my head during 2024.
ReplyDeleteInertia? Difficulty leaving home?
Planned but not done?
Is it any consolation that "it's not just you". I accepted that maybe my body & brain needed a fallow season, and that beating myself up was not going to make it any easier to get out of the door. However, Autumn is just about here and the school holidays nearly over (hurrah) I am looking forward to the next few months and seeing the remainder of 2024 as a fresh start.
It's funny how lots of people wait til January to have a "new start"... and yet, every month- even every day could be seen as a new start. I guess it's the pressure of 1/1- the count starts again. Maybe trying to start every month with "happy new month- it's time to get going again" isn't quite giving enough time for actual rest and reflection...
DeleteSorry, anonymous is Beth, cannot get signed into Google.
ReplyDelete